family

Family or basic community is the nurturing environment that sustains us aiding our development. When our community breaks down, we tend not to grow as intellectuals or mature adults. My concern is are we as a society sterilizing out community? Are we rejecting the debate with those who are in front of us and close enough to touch for the electronic community that we can orchestrate as to values and beliefs. when we have weaned ourselves from all visual and sensory presence, who will be there to hug us when the world comes crashing in?

Subject: depression

Wondering what form depression take when it approaches you? I hear of folks who feel the fatigue of blaa, and the dark edges forecasting depths to come, but I myself, face the sweet edge of procrastination, and that is my first step into the quagmire. Procrastinate, put off needs and wallow in the great nothingness of what is. Bank back the desire to reach out, to let go , or to DO anything at all. Not tired mind you, just off putting anything that might be hard to do, say or write, and feeling pretty dissatisfied with self.

So what is your entry point into depression, feelings of uselessness, fatigue, procrastination, or something else?

Labels

Labels disturb me. Not the ones we find on food items or products up for sale, but the ones we put on people, or groups of people. Once a label is out there, it finds a life of its own and is almost impossible to shake or even define. Labels define a reason to be against someone, or to put it bluntly to hate or fear someone. Labels prevent us from talking or listening to other points of view. We merely dismiss as conservative, liberal, right, left, socialist, fascist ect. and we are excused from listening, or thinking about an opinion that is not in agreement with our own. When did we become so lazy and scared of new ideas? Did the "media" make us do it? No, we brought this on by our lack or intellectual energy. It is easier to adopt a position based on someone else's "research than it is to involve ourselves in looking for the truth. If we lose all to whatever evil, it will be on us although I am sure, we will find a way to blame it on the right or the left or the media. The silliest claim is to blame it on the government, cause that is us folks.

Down in the depths of deep despair

Choked from all light and breath

Alone I sink in the rocking waves

Unlit by love, unloved by all

My soul drowns in the cradle of life

Fascinating, the study of how we manage to hide the truth about ourselves from ourselves. When our actions are right there for us to see, we still manage to cloak them in reasonable explanations, in vain attempt to surround our outrageous instincts from what we know to be the right thing to do. We do this as individuals and as a society, and we continue to press our reason upon any one who questions our motives. The more unsure we are that we are right, the louder our protests become. And there stands a character of my creation who is just as sure of the justice of her position as ever I have been. But I have the advantage of creating her state of mind, and I know her actions are harmful and evil. She does not. She has not the ability to see where what she chooses will take her or those around her. So is she any more culpable than I?

Tidy, that is how she would describe herself. Tidy and devout. Yes, a very apt description, if she must say so. She kept a tidy house and lived a tidy life. She believed her faith and demanded obedience to her values not only from herself, but from her household. This new child that they had taken in, this foundling, as she preferred to think of her. She would raise her in a practical manner, one that would serve her well as she grew to adulthood. There was no need to pamper the child. A girl from a whore house could expect a harsh and unrelenting future. Would it not be kinder in the long run to prepare her for that reality? If they showed her love and gathered her into their family, wouldn't it merely boost in her unrealistic expectations? No, her way was correct. She would treat the girl as if she was the child of a freedman and teach her to work, uncomplaining.

That was her plan and she carried it out to perfection. It never occurred to her what her son was learning from her actions. Had she known would she have acted differently? It was doubtful at best, she never indulged in second guessing her decisions. She was that sure of the accuracy of her thought process. No qualms or nasty bouts of conscience for Anne, and no loose ends, she was a tidy woman.

How can anyone be so inherently evil all the while presenting their godliness to the world about them. Had she no idea of what her actions meant to the child? The total withdrawal of all loving or approval meant to toughen that girl, squished her like a bug under the heel. Sarah was alone and friendless except for Brute. He would watch her with his big brown eyes and comfort her when he could, but she needed human ears to pour the pain away. And there were none.